Doll Parts
by IdiotGirl22
Summary: I never knew someone like him would make me feel so much. He was the druggie, the outcast, the cutter. And even though everyone else hated him, I loved him...and he loved me too...This is about a girl who was lost, and about a boy who knew all too well wh
1. Doll Parts

I would have never thought that someone like him would make me feel so much. The social outcast, the guy that people called a druggie...a cutter. Yes he is all those things, but he is so much more too. He is smart, caring, just a little rough around the edges. People called me stupid for loving him, they still do today, I know my mother won't ever talk to me again, but still...I could never leave him behind. Let me tell you the story of a girl who hid behind a mask everyday, and of a boy who had nothing to live for.

Sun was shining in my room as I opened my eyes, making everything seem to glow with life. I shut them quickly before opening them again adjusting to the light. Sliding out of my bed I made my way groggily to the bathroom to take a shower. As I stepped down I felt the chill of the morning air on my body, goosebumps all over me. I hopped into the shower and let the hot water fall over me. Picking up my razor I shaved my legs, and my underarms before I washed my hair.

Stepping out of the shower I grabbed a towel and ran to my room, hating the chill that seemed to follow me. Reaching my room I shut my door, and wrapped my towel around my head. I slipped on my undergarments and headed for the closet to grab my green sailor fuku for school. Making sure my outfit was ok, I took the towel off my head and brushed my hair before placing it into a pony tail at the top of my head. Glancing in my mirror I concluded my self presentable and ran down the stairs to get some breakfast.

"Morning Kagome."

"Morning mom."

"You want some breakfast I suppose?"

"Well yeah..."

I am doll eyes, doll mouth, doll legs I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait

My mom turned with a sigh before placing a bowl of cereal in front of me. She never really made any food, not any more at least. My dad had died 3 years ago and ever since my mom had been depressed, not really caring what happened anymore.

"You going to hang with your friends after school?"

"I don't know maybe..."

"Just don't steal anything if you do, and be back by ten at least. I don't want to have to come look for you."

"Its not like you would."

"Kagome." my mom's voice had a warning tone to it, and I placed my bowl in the sink. I turned to her and smiled before waving goodbye and running out the door, almost forgetting my backpack. I always did stupid stuff like that, she would just make me angry so I would say what I thought often causing arguments between us, my little brother Souta mostly ignored it, remaining quiet or just playing his video games.

Shaking my head I took in a breath of fresh air and walked briskly down the street. I could hear my friends voices not very far ahead of me and I slowed down a bit just wanting to enjoy being alone for another five minutes. But of course one of them spotted me and they all ran over, each smiling stupidly at me talking to me about some guy named Homo...I smiled and laughed when they did, cringing inwardly at the three girls that were my friends. Don't get me wrong they were ok, but they didn't really know me, all they liked to talk about was clothes or some random hot guy.

Same routine everyday, but not really. And the reason I say that is because this was the first day I really noticed him. Nakamura, InuYasha. Sure I had seen him before, but today I had really noticed him, like actually paid attention to what he was doing. And even though it wasn't the most interesting thing in the world it caught my eye. He was just sitting there under a tree scowling at the world , smoking a cigarette. He caught my gaze for a moment before raising an eyebrow as to inquire what I was staring at. My face turned red and I looked away from him quickly, pretending to be really interested in what Eri was talking about.

Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do

Yuka poked me in the ribs and asked me what that was about, and I shook my head dismissing her question by saying it was nothing. She frowned and started to lecture me about the boy sitting under the tree.

"Higurashi Kagome, why were you staring at InuYasha like that! Do you know what kind of person he is? Look at him. You can tell hes no good. He does drugs, cuts classes even cuts himself!"

"Geez Yuka I was just looking at since when do you know all this about a person you've never even talked to?"

"Listen Kagome, hes a goth you can tell, and Goth people do that. And also I've seen his arms before, trust me they're no pretty sight."

"Yuka! You know you can be a bitch at times!"

Our other two friends were staring at us dumb founded, as Yuka and I glared at each other. The morning bell rang signaling us to come in and Yuka sighed, shaking her head in disappointment. "Kagome you know that hurts. I was just telling you not to get involved with a guy like him. I know that look in your eyes, hes no good... trust me."

My friends walked inside ahead of me, squabbling something about how stupid I could be at times. I hung my head low and wondered why I even tried sometimes. I was almost the last one in the school, key word there: almost. And while I was looking at my feet trying to not look at him, some guy ahead of me stopped suddenly before running off, making me fall forwards. That it being I would have fallen if he hadn't caught me. His hand was gripped around my upper arm my knees barely above the ground. I looked up at him sheepishly and felt a shiver run through my body at his intense golden gaze. He narrowed his eyes at me before speaking.

"You should really watch where you going. Otherwise your going to end up breaking your nose." his voice was gruff and had a certain edge to it that I liked. I stood up muttering a thanks while brushing myself off. He walked in ahead of me not looking back, saying something under his breath.

Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, and I do too

The rest of the day went pretty normal until lunch period, I had seen him again, and wanted to thank him properly for helping me that morning. So after I was done eating my lunch I walked over to him earning a few glances from people but not much else. He didn't seem to notice me when I got there so I sat down. He looked up at me glaring before asking what I wanted.

"I just wanted to say thanks for earlier."

"Yeah well you did so you can go now."

"Maybe I don't want to."

"Well I want you to, so leave."

"You can't possibly like being alone all the time."

"I don't get lonely."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"Oh... ok then I'll leave you alone sorry for disturbing you."

I walked away a little hurt but I still wanted to try. Sitting back down at my table I was slapped hard on my arm and found Yuka glaring at me.

"What the hell was that for?"

"You know what that was for! Why did you go over there! Thats not even the worst, you sat down with him."

I want to be the girl with the most cake I love him so much it just turns to hate

"So! I was saying thank you because this morning I was going to fall but he helped me out."

"Look at him Kagome, hes staring at us right now probably wanting to rape you or something."

"The only reason hes staring is because you're talking about him. VERY LOUDLY!"

I didn't want to hear anymore so I got up and walked out glancing at him out of the corner of my eyes. He looked at me confused before shifting his gaze to my friends. I saw his eyes flash before I walked out the door, and wondered if he were hurt by Yuka's words.

Lunch period had ended and yet I was still outside wondering around the school grounds. The world seemed to be silent aside from the chirping birds and swaying leaves. and I guess I just wanted to enjoy it.

I don't know what was wrong with me but lately I've been so far away... not connected with anyone or thing. My friends didn't seem to notice the difference and if they did, they didn't care. I usually covered it up pretty well, today something was different though. I was sick of smiling.

Seeing his face, letting everyone know through his expression of how he felt. How he didn't look like he cared for anyone, or had anyone to care for him. I just wanted to be with him, I don't know why. Something was calling me to him, making me let the real me out, slowly. It was making me mad though, I didn't want to lose what little I had. I didn't even know the guy, I just really noticed him today and I was already going goo goo over him. Shaking my head I ran into the school, and stopped to a halt before my locker, maybe going to class would help me get my mind off everything.

I fake it so real, I am beyond fake

"Ms.Higurashi how nice of you to join us. Why don't you take a seat and explain to me where you were after class hmm?" I sighed and sat down in the back unknowingly only a row away from him.

"Hey you girl!" the voice that spoke to me was hushed but loud in a very strange way. I turned to see who was talking to me and almost groaned.

"I have a name you know."

"Keh whatever. Where were you."

"What does it matter to you?"

"It doesn't."

"Then why ask?"

That silenced him and I turned around to face the front remaining silent the rest of the class.

And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache

Walking home that day I found myself completely, and utterly alone. Its was nice in a strange way, I didn't have to smile, didn't have to laugh. I didn't have to pretend. I knew that I'd have to apologize to my friends tomorrow, ask them to forgive me for being such a twit, so then I could just go back to my normal routine. But right now I just kept that in the back of my mind enjoying what little alone time I had.

I heard laughing as I passed the park, and inside the laughing I heard the innocence, and carelessness of being a child. It brought a slight smile to my face, and I walked with my head a little higher then usual. I knew that I was fake, that I wore a mask to hide my feelings, my pain but it didn't matter at that moment. Because other people were happy, people who deserved it.

Was InuYasha happy?

No he wasn't happy you could tell...but then again why did I care? I've never noticed him before...and today I've learned that he is a complete ass. But still...his eyes...

I came to my house, sighing as I stepped inside. My mother was reading a book in her chair while my brother was in the back yard, jumping around pretending to fight a warrior. Maybe he'd let me play too? Just to pretend with him that we had a normal family, and not a care in the world.

Stepping through the back door I looked at him and gave a small smile as he waved. I ran over to him at we started to have a sword fight with each other using some sticks we found. I knew I was 16, a little too old to play such childish games with my 10 year old brother, but it felt good knowing he would still allow me to get close to him after all these years of pushing him away.

And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache

It was hours after Souta and I came inside and I knew I should be sleeping. I had a math test tomorrow and I needed all the rest I could get, something was bothering me though. Groaning I got out of bed and walked over to my desk picking up my brown Sublime hoodie, and slipping it over my head.

I quietly crept downstairs, being careful to not trip in the darkness. I came to a stop at my front door and pulled on my Vans, taking a look in the kitchen at the microwave, the time reading that it was currently 1:30 a.m. Shaking my head a little I stepped outside and swept my long wavy black hair up into a ponytail, and walked down the street.

I don't know how long I walked before I came to the park that I had heard the laughing at before, I didn't really care either. I just kind of found myself sitting there, slightly swinging on a swing. I closed my eyes trying to drown myself in the serenity of the small playground letting the nights cool breeze run across my face.

Why couldn't everything be like this? Why couldn't everything just be nice and calm all the time? Where you don't have to be happy, or sad...you just have to be...

Laughing at myself for such stupid thoughts I got off the swing and kicked at the sand beneath me, watching it all as it flew everywhere. I screamed as I got down into a crouching position, not noticing the angry tears that came down my face.

"Why does everything have to be like this? Why am I always so sad?" I was whispering that over, and over again to myself while rocking back and forth. I heard footsteps though and that made me stop all of my ranting. They grew louder as the person came closer before they came to a stop.

I looked up at that moment, with my Grey eyes red, my face gleaming from the tears. And I saw him. Standing there with his platinum blond hair, and impossibly golden eyes staring at me, judging me as though I were a piece of low grade meat. I stood up slowly meeting his gaze and I wiped my eyes. Smiling sourly I turned from him and left. So what if he saw me? Its not like he would tell...its not like anyone would listen either...because he was the outcast, and I was hideously fake.

I am doll parts, bad skin, doll heart It stands for knife For the rest of my life

A week had passed and things were normal, I made up with my 'friends', and ignored InuYasha's intense amber stares, though sometimes I would glance at him as I walked past, making sure no one saw me. Yes I know, how wrong of me. I was scared though, scared that if anybody saw me look at him, that I would be thrown aside too. And I didn't want that. I just wanted to be normal, even if I was sad.

"Hey Kagome..."

"Yes Eri?"

"Whats wrong? You haven't been yourself lately."

'If you could only understand...'

"I'm perfectly fine. Just a little worried about that math test we took last week. We're supposed to be getting the results back tomorrow."

"Oh, is that all? You shouldn't stress yourself out over it! I'm sure you did fine!" She gave me a smile and patted me on the back before walking away from me to her happy home.

I sighed and leaned against an old oak tree behind me, enjoying the shade it provided from the penetrating sun. I looked up as I heard some rustling in the leaves above me, and screamed.

"Oi wench you don't have to scream so fucking loud!"

"What in the HELL are you doing sitting in a tree?" I shrieked at the amber eyed Tarzan.

"I was thinking." he replied as he jumped down and landed in front of me, staring deeply into my eyes.

I stepped back a little, scared of him, and scared of what would happen if anybody saw us.

"Don't worry...no one is gonna see ya." his words were like venom, as were his eyes, both of them hiding the slight hurt I had caused I was sure.

"What do you want?" I spat at him, just wanting to get away.

Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too

He laughed at me harshly, shaking his head as he backed away. He mock bowed before me, before looking at me through his bangs. "You can't hide forever. They'll figure you out soon."

"No they won't. Not unless you tell them." I looked at him trying to see any sign of sympathy in his face, I came up with none.

"Like they would fucking listen to me anyway wench."

"I TOLD YOU MY NAMES KAGOME!"

"I KNOW STUPID! But would you really want people knowing?"

He walked away from me then. And I ran away from the tree in front of our wonderful school, thinking of my recent confrontation.

What the hell did he want in the first place? Was he really that messed up that he went up to people for no reason and just started harassing them? He was staring in my eyes though. Reading them, looking for my weakness. I ran harder panting just trying to forget everything for that one moment. To forget him, forget my friends, forget my mom, and to forget the reason I was the way I was. Though I had said before, even asked myself why I was sad I knew. Somewhere deep inside I knew, and it always made me shudder.

I stopped running as I came to my house trying to calm myself down before I entered. I opened the door slowly and made my way quietly to my room.

Shutting my door and locking it, I looked in the mirror by my dresser and screamed at what I saw. It wasn't a scream of fear, it was a scream of anger, frustration, sadness. I sat in a pitiful heap on my floor as I sobbed, blocking out my mother pounding on my door demanding that I open it up.

He was right... I couldn't hide forever, it showed in my eyes.

I want to be the girl with the most cake He only loves those things because he loves to see them break I fake it so real, I am beyond fake

I was sick of being a doll. I was sick of being what I was, not what I am. I was scared too though...I didn't want to be all alone... I didn't want to hurt alone.

And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache And someday, you will ache like I ache Someday, you will ache like I ache

Ok so that was the first chapter, if you could tell me what you think like if it sucks or not I would be very thankful.

So review please! And also I'm not going to make them be friends right away, or have them get together right off the bat. Then it really leaves no story to tell. Alrighty then thanks for reading! And yes everyone in this fic is human.  
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor do I own Doll Parts by: Hole Signed IdiotGirl22 


	2. Violet

hadn't lived in this place my whole life, this place where I am constantly fake and problem free...with a strange boy constantly on my mind and a crumbling life. We actually moved here about two years after my father died, when everything started going way down hill for my family because of me. And I think that is another one of the reason's my mother and I don't see eye to eye on much of anything. I know she doesn't hate me or anything, but after we moved she just kind of detached herself from things stopped putting herself in a place where she would have to care. I would too if I was her...but what I did still haunts me, its the whole reason why I'm so fake...so unclean and sad.

It was a little before my 15th birthday. And everything about my fathers death was still raw in our minds and had hurt us all deeply. It was like he was our string and without him we slowly came undone.

I was walking home having just left my friend Harumi's house, and I was thinking about everything we talked about. She had told me that her older cousin Hiten was coming to town and staying with them for a month or two. She said that he was really popular and that he drove a really nice car. When she showed me a picture of him I was instantly hooked in. What girl wouldn't swoon over a dark eyed, dark haired mysterious looking man? And by the time I had gotten done telling Harumi how much he looked like a god, it was eight o'clock.

I didn't really rush home, and no nothing bad happened to me then...that would be kind of cliche, don't you think? But when I got home I did get berated for not calling my mother and telling her I was on my way home. She was detached but she still had to care a little. I simlpy nodded my head through it all and while the rest of the week passed I had started to mentally count down until I would meet this Hiten guy Harumi was telling me about. I really wanted it to be instant love when we saw each other. And I really just wanted to fall into his arms and for him to hold me tight and tell me I 've been what hes looking for his whole life. It didn't exactly happen that way though...because I was a fourteen year old idiot.

"Kagome...my cousin Hiten came this morning. You wanna come to my house after school and meet him?" Harumi spit out before taking a huge bite out of her sandwhich.

"Hell yes!" I said smiling like a fool.

"Cool. Remember to call your mom and tell her. My mom always gets pissed when my friends parents call her mad."

"Yeah...fucking bullshit, you think they'd get we know how to take care of ourselves by now."

"Ehh whatever." she said laughing.

We had walked home together after school, and I was happier than a fucking pig who hadn't gotten picked to slaughter that day. But soon after I entered her house that happiness turned into nervousness, and I found that when the time came to speak to him I was a quiet bumbling idiot, not the practiced confident hottie I wanted to be.

"Hiten! I've got a friend I want you to meet!" cried Harumi upon opening the door.

"Yeah yeah hold on a mintue!" came a undoubtedly male voice from atop the stairs. And as I swallowed the lump in my throat another appeared, because standing right there before me was the god I had obsessed about to myself all week.

"Heh, she looks like a scared puppy."

"Hiten don't be a jerk. This is my friend Kagome. Kagome this is Hiten." my friend said smiling to me.

"Hi, nice to meet you..." I commented quietly, before smiliing a little.

"You look cute when you do that. Smile I mean." he said so dashingly

"Ummm thanks...I guess..."

"Uhh should I leave you two alone or is this love scene over?" at that comment I blushed as if my head was on fire and tried my hardest not to kick my friend so hard in the shins that I would break them.

"Harumi..." said Hiten.

"Yes?"

"Get a life." and with that he turned and walked up the stairs before adding "And I'm picking you and your friend up from school tommorow.

"I can't believe you said that!"

"What its not like he really cares. Hes 17 Kagome I think he got over taunting like that long ago."

"Well it still embarassed me.." I said hanging my head slightly.

"Oh don't worry about it. After all...he didn;t offer to pick me up before you came into the picture..." And at that I was hooked and reeled in. All he had to do now was make the move and I'd definelty be his.

And the sky was made of amethyst And all the stars were just like little fish You should learn when to go You should learn how to say no

We were both riding in his car,me and Harumi that is, and though it wasn't a nice fancy car since his dad made him buy it himself, it was good enough for me. The best part about it though was that he was flirting with me the whole ride home, and telling me what pretty eyes I had and how soft my hair looked, while Harumi made gagging sounds in the back. And when we came upon my house I smiled and waved goodbye, with him promising to give me a ride the next day. To say I looked starry eyes when I entered the house would be an understatement, I was probably glowing. Nobody noticed though...and though it deflated me a bit I was still pretty damn happy that a hot guy was interested in me. And that was why I was so blinded as to see what he really was.

It had been a few weeks that I had known him, almost a month and I thought. No I was sure that I was in love with him, and I thought that he loved me too. Or at least cared about me deeply...And I would gladly do anything for him because I was so fucking entranced, I was so lonely and sad and I was really just looking for someone to cling to, for someone to replace the hole my father had left behind. And so...when he asked me to give my virginity to him...I agreed.

I wasn't really sure mind you. I was scared as hell and really deep down I knew it wasn't right, it wasn't right at all. I was stupid though so caught up in the attention, and the idea of love.

"You sure Kagome?" came his voice as we laid in the ack of his car.

"Yeah. I'm sure." I replied quietly.

"Its gonna hurt okay?" all I could do was nod dumbly and stare like a doe in headlights.

As he entered me with my panties and skirt discarded on the car floor, his pants around his ankles I opened my eyes wide, feeling them water up and the warmth of my tears fall down my face. It hurt. It hurt so bad, and the hurt had never gone away either, it stayed with me through the whole ordeal. I kept quiet though and I wrapped my legs around his waist closing my eyes and trying to take enjoyment in what was supposed to be the most pleasureful thing us humans can do.

He kept whispering things to me, things that made me feel slightly dirty yet good at the same time. He grunt out "Ohh baby so good. So tight." and really I had almost no clue of what he was talking about, I just kept doing what I thought was right and soon after he moaned and I felt something in a way fill me up inside. He soon got off me and kissed me delicately before smiling and pulling his pants up. I ginerly pick up my underwear and put them on, then the skirt, there was some blood on my thighs and I hurt badly down there. All I really wanted to do was go home and take a shower, I couldn't tell him that though.

"So...where did you tell your mom you were going tonight?"

"I said I was going to a friends and that her dad would drop me off later." came my timid reply.

"We'll have to do this again okay? Right now though I better get you home."

"Okay..." and with that he climbed up front into the drivers seat, and I stayed in the back, a little hurt he wanted to get rid of me so fast but relieved to at the fact that I could get into a nice hot shower.

Might last a day, yeah Mine is forever Might last a day, yeah Mine is forever

When I had gotten home that evening my mother had fallen asleep in her bed, and my brother was playing some random video game ignoring the world he left behind when my father did. I silently creeped my way into the bathroom up stairs and stripped off all of my clothes, and turned on the shower. Gently I scrubbed my skin trying to forget the image of the pink tinted water going down the drain. I did regret what I had done, but I was happy that I made him feel good. How fucked up was that? And really that was only the begining because it seemed almost every other night he would take me out in his car and fuck me for the next twok weeks, and pretty soon I started to like it. I was his whore, but I didn't know it yet, I still held the belief that I was in love and that he cared for me. Everything for a while was going great.

Soon though everything came crashing down as I found out I was pregnant. The first thing I did was cry and lock myself in my room for a whole two days, which no one noticed. Then I tried to get over the rightful fear of my mother and telling her and Hiten about my situation. It went on like that for about a week, and then came the day when I knew I had to tell her.

"Mom..."

"What is it Kagome?" she said to me plainly.

"I...I really need to tell you something...something very bad..." my voice was trembling, my hands were shaking and really at that moment I just wanted to curl into a ball and die.

"What is it dear? Come on tell me!" her eyes were worried now, the instinctual fear for her child kicking in.

"I'm...I'm mom I can't tell you! You'll hate me! You'll hate me!" the tears burst out then, and I crumbled to her feet holding onto her ankles as tightly as I could sobbing loudly not even trying to regain my control.

"Kagome? What...wha?" her voice quiet now. "Tell me Kagome...please!"

"I'm pregnant mama...pregnant..." came my whispering voice.

"How...how can you be... I mean when did you?" she knelt down now and held my face between her palms.

"I've been seeing this guy...hes older...and I didn't want to tell you cause I knew you wouldn;t let me see him..."

"For this very reason Kagome! Oh God honey what are we going to do! Does he know?"

"No...I can't tell him mama! I just can't!"

"Then I will." her voice seemed angry determined and for once in my life I was very afraid of my mother. "Whats his number!" she snapped, and timidly but quickly gave it to her, crying the whole time.

"Hello this is the Haruto residence."

"Yes...is..." she looked to me for his name and I told her. "Hiten there?"

"Speaking."

And that was when all hell broke loose...

"You fucking pervert! How could you do that to my daughter!"

"What what are you talking about woman!" I heard his voice yell over the other line and instantly my tears started again.

"Mom...mom please! Please mom!"

"You hear that! Shes crying! Crying because you got her pregnant!"

And all of the sudden there was silence, and the world for me froze...how could this happen to me?

"He hung up on me! Kagome. Come on get up. Now we're leaving."

"Where are we going?"

"You're going to show me where this Hiten lives and we're going to pay him a visit."

"Mom no! NO NO NO!"

"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME! YOU BOTH ARE GOING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED! Do you understand me?" her voice was loud and full of venom and I swallowed my voice and spoke through my tears, following her at a dreadfully slow pace to the car.

When we got there it took my mother fifteen minutes of pounding on the door for them to open. And we didn't exactly get a warm welcome.

"GO AWAY! There is no way that kid she has is mine! I never touched her." was all he screamed and I briefly saw Harumi and her mother and father in the backround. Hurt coursed through my body at his words and I instantly fell to the ground.

"My daughter is no whore!"

"Well seems like it to me if she got herself pregnant."

"How dare you! You know you're the father! My daughter would not lie to me about that!"

"Are you so sure Mrs. Higurashi? I mean she didn't lie to you about being out with a boy. She probably pinned this on poor Hiten because of his kind nature torwards her because of her fathers death." spoke Harumi's mother.

"Its his! ITS HIS! ITS HIS! I'm not a WHORE! I'M NOT!" I screamed making all eyes go wide and torwards me. "I'm not a whore." I whispered again and again before I passed out.

When I woke up I was in my bed confused. And sitting up right and glancing around everything crashed back to me and I started to cry. My mother came into my room quietly and sat upon my bed, before rubbing my back in an effort to calm me. When I quieted she began to speak in a very rehearsed calm voice, telling me my option.

"Honey, Hiten won't take responsibility. And I'm sorry I have to say this, but you have to have an abortion...you cannot take care of a baby at this age sweety! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! It has to be done!" and with that she started to cry while I had suddenly become numb. An abortion eh? Kill the child inside me? Take a life so mine can be better? Could I really do that?

Well they get what they want, and they never want it again Well they get what they want, and they never want it again Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to And the sky was all violet I want to give the violent more violets And I'm the one with no soul One above and one below

"When would it be done?" I said quietly.

"Wha..what?"

"I said when would it be done." my voice was calm even though everything inside me was raging and swirling.

"This Sunday...we'd do it on Sunday. I already scheaduled an oopointment for you.

"Okay...I want you to leave now please..." was all I said before turning away from my mother and cry the rest of the night.

Might last a day, yeah Mine is forever Might last a day, yeah Mine is forever

I didn't go to school all that week, but I had a sneaky feeling that everyone at school knew about my mistake because Harumi told them. And I was sure I didn't look like the victim here...

When Sunday came I felt dread weigh me down like a two ton brick, and I really wanted nothing more than to stay in bed. I didn't though, somehow I got up and somehow I made it to the clinic. And when I came inside I instantly felt the sadness there, I looked to all the eyes of the woman in the waiting room and saw the regret and failure in their eyes. I saw the deep seated hatred for the one who made them come to this. I saw the hatred for themselves. And I knew that if I did this I'd never be the same.

And as I signed in and heard them call my name...I knew I'd never really forget the child I never gave a chance.

And that was all just barely over a year ago. And when we moved and came here to Tokyo, I knew I could start over and make sure no one ever knew what happened and that it would never happen again. For a while I even pushed it back in my mind...but when I saw InuYasha...and his eyes...and the hurt that lie there, everything rushed back to me. And my world slowly went out of control...

And now my perfectly glued puzzle is falling apart...because of his stupid hurting eyes...and my need to break free from this emotional prison.

When they get what they want, and they never want it again And they get what they want, and they never want it again Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to Go on, take everything, take everything, I dare you to I told you from the start just how this would end When I get what I want, then I never want it again Go on take everything, take everything, I want you to Go on take everything, take everything...

Alright there is the second chapter. And since I'd like to know what you think, review please!

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha and co. , nor do I own 'Violet' by:Hole 


	3. Good Sister Bad Sister

I hadn't slept well in a week. Images of my past kept coming to me, and I found my bed to be rather uncomfortable lately. As I had said before I had a sneaky feeling that Harumi had told the whole school about my tragic and painful disposition, and it was right. I also said that I wouldn't come out of it looking as the victim, I was right about that too. It seemed nobody would look at me or talk to me, and all my suitors from before were utterly disgusted with me, and it was a week after all of this happened that my house was vandalized. Thats when we decided to move. And when I came here I couldn't help but feel the relief that came to me in waves at not knowing anybody.

I was given a completely new slate and I knew how to use it. Pretend I was still an innocent virgin, and mask every feeling of pain I've ever had. Simple right? At first it was, and I thought I could continue on forever...but lately...I've been breaking and...I can't help but feel a pull torwards the strange boy with golden brown eyes... I of course didn't like him at all. I really was just interested in him out of sheer natural curiousity. What could make his eyes hurt so much? Did he wonder the same about me? And why did I care? As you can see this all weighed heavily on my weakly constructed wall and I was scared to be the outcast again so I easily was becoming frustrated.

Good sister bad sister

Better burn that dress sister

Scar tissue, blood blister

Suck upon the dregs sister

And it was while walking home from school that I found my freedom. His name was Kouga, he had dropped out of school I had heard about a month before I came, and before you start thinking things my release in him wasn't sex I had learned my lesson from that not too long ago...but it was drugs.

He was the best guy to go to I learned from listening to others and that he was all business. Now I just needed to find him, and that shouldn't be too hard considering that my friend Ayame had a freakish obsession with him. All I had to do was meantion the color blue and she'd be on and on about his fucking eyes, and then she'd move on to how he had such great hair and such a toned and tanned body, then of course I'd tune out.

"Ayame..."

"Yes Kagome?"

"What color was that dress you wore to the dance with that one guy last year...it sounded really pretty..." It was a really lame question I know but if it got me what I wanted I didn't give two shits.

"I went to the dance with Kouga last year...and the dress color was the same color as his beautiful eyes. And the shoes were the same color as his hair." she said closing her glazed over eyes... alright so she took the bait.

"God Ayame sounds like you'd know where he fucking lived so you could watch him sleep."

"Well Kagome...he is my one and only true love."

"But I heard hes a drug dealer..."

"People only say that because he lives in a bad neighborhood! He can't help it that he lives in that run down apartment building by the old pharmacy. His parents kicked him out with no place to go." she said furiously.

"Well I never said I believed it. I mean you can't always believe what you hear right?" I said quietly thinking of my own past.

"Right. I hate people who do that. And thats why I'm such good friends with you!" she smiled at me before walking off to class, leaving me alone in the rush of all the people.

I felt so isolated right then, and when I looked around me it was as if I was in a bubble...because as everyone walked past with there text books in hand I stood perfectly still...not even knowing why I wasn't rushing. Pretty soon though this feeling was disturbed by a shoulder roughly coliding with mine.

"Watch it wench!"

"ME! I was standing perfectly still! You're the one who ran into ME! YOU JERK!" I screamed at the platinum blond boy.

"Well you shouldn't be fucking standing in the middle of the hall doing nothing then should ya?" he replied rather rudely, though I was starting to think he didn't have a polite sense in his feeble mind.

"Fuck you." I spat at him before walking off.

"I know you want to! But please keep your sick fantasies to yourself!" he yelled after me and instantly I had a deep hatred for him, only a miracle could change the way I felt now.

I walked to my class a scowl set on my face and tried to keep away from my friends opting to sit in the front of the back. I didn't want to answer the questions I was sure they'd have when they saw the expression on my face. Luck wasn't on my side though because when they saw me up front they decided to move there too.

"Hey Kagome whats wrong?" asked Ami.

"Yeah you look so pissed right now." exclaimed Yuka.

"Oh nothing just had a little trouble in the hall. I can never get my damn locker open." I smiled prettily at them and we all shared a little laugh, mine so sweet sounding I was about to choke on it.

I can't and I want to so bad and

I try but I can't and I want to so bad and

I try but I can't and I want to so bad and

I try but I can't and I want to so bad

The rest of the day went by without a hitch and I found myself thinking about where the old pharmacy was. I had never really gone into the rougher parts of town, because really even though Tokyo has a really low crime rate I was just never interested in taking part with those kinds of people.

All the wondering had been worthless though because as I said I found my freedom while walking home, and couldn't be happier. I had seen him pass me by and almost didn't stop and say something to him because I wasn't sure if it was really him. I mean I had seen pictures of him before because Ayame had them taped all over her room, but in those pictures his hair was long and tied in a pony tail, and well now it was short and spiked up in a punkish style.

"Hey you!" I yelled to his back hoping he'd turn around and be the right guy.

"What?" he said turning around, and I smiled hugely when it was who I thought.

"You're Kouga right?"

"Yeah whats it to ya?" he spoke gruffly coming closer to me.

"I need a favor...and I heard you do people favors..." I said hintingly.

"Oh...a favor?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Okay...what do you want then?"

"We're just gonna talk about it out here in the open?" I said spreading my arms wide to extend my point.

"Well its not like anybody cares enough about strangers to listen.

He did have a point...

"I...I...I really have no clue of what to get. I've never done anything like this before and..."

"Look...just come with me to my place." he said turning around...he realized I wasn't following and looked at me. "Look I'm not going to rape you. I don't do that kind of shit. I'm a good drug dealer." he said smiling, and I laughed a little and followed.

We got to his place and I discoved it really wasn't too far from mine, it was a good thing I guess. And as I sat down on the couch and waited for him I wondered what exactly I was getting myself into. I was here...in a drug dealers house. I had never met him before only heard about him...he sounded like a decent guy but...could I be sure?

"Hey you! Come here, I;ve got things I need to show you."

"Kagome." I said getting up. "My name is Kagome."

"Alright then Kagome come here. I don't have a lot of time. I've got better things to do."

I followed him to what I guessed what his bedroom, for there was a bed and a dresser, both pretty nice looking I noticed, and upon his bedroom were pipes, weed, bongs, pills, syringes, powder...all the works I suppose.

"What you should start with really is the weed. Its okay when you smoke it alone, its better when you smoke it with people."

"I see..."

"Next there is heroine. Now I really don't suggest that unless you're into some really fucked up shit. Then theres other stuff like cocaine and and ectasy, and speed."

"Well...I guess I'll go with the weed...but..."

"But what?"

"I don't have any money, and I well...I don't know how to do it."

"What do you mean you don't have any money? WHy would you go to a drug dealers house looking for drugs without any money?" he said looking at me like I was stupid.

"Well I really haven't done anything like this before..." I said pleadingly.

"FIne come here I'll give you this first try free. Now you might now feel anything since this is your first time but guranteed the next time you'll be feeling pretty good."

Packing a bowl for me he motioned for me to come closer and I did. But before he lit it up, and before I placed it in my mouth I had to know.

"You...You won't tell anyone will you?" I looked at him my eyes serious.

"Kagome you'd be surprised by the people who came to me. I never tell a soul, its not like I really get a kick out of seeing people get tossed aside anyways."

"I had to make sure...cause if anyone knew."

"Alright I promise I won't tell now come on. Put the damn thing in your mouth and smoke it already." he said a bit playfully and with that I smiled and took my first hit of pot.

Good sister bad sister

You're different from the rest, sister

Choke strangle rip twist her

Sell me down the river sister

I didn't get high the first time, and my lungs burned badly for the rest of the day, and I just ate icecream to ease the pain. It didn't help but damn did it taste good. I went back the next day though with money this time, and Kouga actually showed me how to make a tinny. Thank god for home made devices.

I could officially call myself a stoner I guess because I got high everyday after school. I'd just sit in my room, or sit at the park and get stoned. And the best thing about it was that no one knew, and that I could escape from everything. Because when I was high I was aware of the things that bothered me...but they didn't really bother me anymore.

It was maybe three weeks after I started that I got into a bit heavier drugs. I didn't do them regularly but every once in a while I'd try ectasy, or speed. Just a little pick me up, though when the high wore down I'd be left in my room with a knife to my arm. No I wasn't a regular cutter. It just helped with the feeling of the heaviness that had been heaped unpon me after feeling so light and happy. I was okay though, for the time being I had everything under control.

"Hey Kagome..." I heard Eri speak to me, though I was really deep into staring at the tree.

"Whats been up with you lately? You've been a bit more distant."

"Its nothing really. I've just had trouble sleeping. I think its time for a new matress." I said smiling softlyknowing its would sit with them well for now. "Hey I'll be right back though. I need to use the bathroom." and with that I got up from our lunch table outside and went into the cold and empty looking hall.

"I need something better...I need something that will help more." I whispered to myself while leaning against a wall. And while sliding down the wall to sit on the floor I saw him, walking in all his glory torwards me. And it was in this moment that the miracle had come and I stopped hating him. See the reason I say a miracle had happened was because he thought no one was in the hall...and let his gaurd down...and I saw his eyes, his stance. They both showed insecurity, and weakness, and I think that was when I realized why he was so gruff all the time, though I sitll wasn't positively sure.

"What the fuck are you looking at!" he snapped, whipping me out of my musings.

"I...I...nothing...I was looking at nothing." I said timidly.

"Good. Nothing is good." he said quietly before walking away. I was confused, but in a way I wasn't. I knew exactly what he meant but I didn't. It hurt my head too much really...

Later that day I went to Kouga's and got something new. Cocaine. He explained to me how to use it. Even gave me a few free lines. And instantly I knew that this was what I was looking for. It gave me a boost of energy, a little lurch of happiness and a lot more life. And because Kouga and I were such good friends he gave it to me at a cheaper price. For that I was grateful.

I guess that is when I started to hang with Kouga more. No I wasn't romantically interested in him, and he wasn't in me, we were just friends, and I liked how he never treated me cruelly or talked about uninteresting things. It seemed he always had something important on his mind, and I was always willing to pick at it. And soon we started going to parties together, and I became more and more associated with his kind of life. The scary thing was...I liked what I saw.

"Kagome!" I heard his voice yell over the blaring music.

"What is it?" I said turning to him.

"Come on we've gotta go."

"What why? I can't go home. I told my mom I was staying at a friends."

"Just come one. Trust me. I heard someone just called the police."

And with him taking my hand I followed him out of the beaten and old house, walking quietly behing him. Usually I would tell my mom I was going to stay the night at a friends and just sleep where the party was held and go back home once I woke up. Not safe I know but hell, Kouga always left before I could ask to stay at his place.

"You can stay at my place for the night. And since we really didn't get our drink on, I'll give ya a few lines on me." my face lit up instantly and I ran beside him.

"Oh Kouga how sweet!" I laughed, squeezing his hand. My happiness didn't last long though as I recognized the person who was walked torwards us, smoking a cigarette, with his head low.

"Inu...Yasha?" I asked quietly stopping and letting go of Kouga's hand.

"Yeah." he said gruffly looking up, his eyes slightly going wide at the sight of me. "What are you doing out here so late wench?" he spat at me not noticing Kouga.

"What do you care? Not like its your business anyways."

"Ohh someone is pissy tonight."

"Go fuck a tree InuYasha." I said walking away, taking Kouga by the hand again.

"Ah I see...The school princess has a secret lover. How sweet. So tell me...is she a good fuck?" I instantly stopped at InuYasha's words. Hurt coursing through my body, my hands both now limply hanging at my side. When I turned around and faced him, I saw slight regret at his words form on his face, and I was sure my face was that of pure sadness at that moment.

"Who the fuck are you to say something like that to her?" Kouga exclaimed getting closer to InuYasha.

"Me? I'm nobody. Princess over there really shouldn't care about my words. No one else does." He looked at me then, and I turned away, too scared to look him in the eye.

"I'm no ones whore..." I spoke loud enough for them both to hear, anger spiking my adrenaline as the memories of that day came back to me. "So don't imply that I am, you stupid fuck. I. Am. NO ONES WHORE." I screamed the last part, shocking both men in front of me.

C'mere and sit

Talk about it

Just for a sec please just sit down

You're choking on big black bloody mouthfulls of it

You left me lying in your dog descent

You're choking on your candy flesh

"Kagome?" Kouga said queitly.

"I'm going to go home now. And I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight." and I walked away from them both then, not caring if I got dragged into an alley and murdered, or that I'd get in trouble for coming home so damn late. I'd simple tell my mother I had gotten into a really bad fight with my friend if she asked. She wouldn't ask questions and life would go on. But right now I needed to be alone...I needed to get home to my drugs.

When I finally made it to my house I quietly crept in, thanking the God's that we always left the back sliding door open. And while I was taking off my shoes, my mother came into the kitchen a surprised look on her face.

"What are you doing home?"

"I got into a fight with Kira. And basically I didn't think I could stand her the rest of the night."

"Well call me next time then. Its 1:28 in the morning and a young girl shouldn't walk around alone."

"Sorry. It won't happen again." I said queitly before she turned and left, and for once I was glad I didn't reallt have an overprotective mother.

Climbing the stairs to my room I sighed. I really just wanted to go to sleep. Maybe I had some Vikadin left...yeah I think I did. And when I did reach my room the first thing I did was shut and lock my door, and then I went to my little night stand and pulled the little drawer open. Pulling out a little baggy of white pills I smiled sadly. Yeah these would make me sleepy.

Pulling out an old water bottle of vodka from under my bed I took the two pills and laid on my bed, waiting for them to take their effect. I thought about things as I waited, thought about how now I was two different people on the outside, and still one broken person on the inside. In school I was what InuYasha implied I was, a perfect princess with all her little happy go lucky friends. After school when I was with Kouga I was the uncaring slightly nervous new druggie, who had a lot of insight on life and how it works. And inside I was still begging to be let out, to show everyone who I really was. And before I could figure out more I passed out.

The next few days in school were really wierd and I only went to Kouga's house to pick up some drugs once, not even staying to talk to him like I usually do. But the reason school was wierd for me was because InuYasha kept staring at me, like he did a few months ago after the park incident. I ignored him for the most part, but it did make me highly uncomfortable, none of my friends noticed though and for that I was thankful.

He never once tried to talk to me. It wasn't like I'd let him anyways, because even though I didn't hate him because I knew inside he was like me, I loathed him with all my being. He had no fucking right to say those things and he was lucky I didn't bash his fucking thick dumb ass skull in. Instead I just went home took some pills and drifted to sleep.

I think now would be a good time to put in that I was becoming more addicted to my drug of choice, which was cocaine. And I did it every single day, before school and after. And it was becoming so much that I absolutely had to have it. And as long as no one knew about it I was okay with that. I mean no one certainly complained about me being happier lately.

I know I wasn't complaining...

Good sister bad sister

Tell me what you want, sister

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor do I own 'Good Sister Bad Sister' by:Hole

I did cut out a lot of the song, it was way too long for me. But please tell me what you think. Am I doing okay so far or what?  
Alright thanks for reading 


	4. Clouds

They say that all thats good can't last forever...and before I would have said fuck that...but now all I say is that there was never anything good. My addiction was a blessing to me when I had it under control...not meaning that I could stop when I wanted to or anything like that, but meaning that when I had stoppped the mental and physical pains by doing some lines.

Honestly at that time I didn't care or think that I had been slowly killing myself. I just wanted something to make me feel normal...that would make me feel comfortable with myself. And without realising it I was sinking further into my own darkness, feeling so wrong without any of my precious white powder. It had been maybe two months after I started though that I began getting into much heavier doses. And the reason for that was because with what I normally did I felt ok, at a balance with myself in a way, but when I did more and more lines I began to feel more excited about things, more upbeat. And that was how my slow spiral into despair became a fast whirling fire that consumed me too fast for me to keep up with the pain.

Kouga and I had started acting normal to each other again I guess... though I did sometimes notice the longing glances he would give me, I brushed them aside though. I always liked to play the oblivious virgin when it came to boys, men whatever the status. We went to more parties and I never saw InuYasha on the way home from them thank god, that didn't mean in school he stopped staring at me though. For the most part I ignored it, much like I ignored Kouga's lingering stares, but one day it became to much, my body felt too heavy under his stare, and I couldn't help but seek him out in the hallways at lunch.

I had been looking for maybe twenty minutes just about to give up and risigning to the fact that he must've gone outside or to the cafeteria with the others. And while I sighed and leaned against a locker that was when I saw him.

He was walking torwards me, his eyes holding unshed tears and immense shame. I opened my eyes wider in surprise as he stopped and looked at me. He instantly looked the other way, hanging his head low and trying to fight whatever was going on inside of him. And I walked to him quiet as I could be and placed my hand upon his arm. He didn't shake me away or have an immense out burst, and in my own way I knew he wouldn't have done either.

"Wench." he said his voice coarse from holding in sobs. Real men don't cry was probably his motto.

"Hi." was all I could say, smiling slightly at him, letting down my guarded eyes for a moment, and as he looked into them I felt my mind stutter, so unused to what was happening, I didn't stop it though, instead I slid my hand down his arm and took his own in mine.

"What could make you so sad InuYasha? What could make you as sad as this?" I wondered quietly more to myself than to him.

"The truth." was all he said to me...still looking in my eyes.

"How can that be when everythings a lie?" and with that I put my guard back up and took my hand away, looking at him gently as I walked away completely forgetting the real reason I wanted to find him.

Bad boy Rows and flows of angel hair And ice cream castles in the air And feather canyons everywhere

I've looked at clouds that way

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels The dizzy dancing way you feel As every fairy tale comes real

I've looked at clouds that way

The rest of the week went by and still his eyes haunted me, every once in a while I would find him looking at me like he wanted to come over and say something, then watch as it suddenly dissapeared, almost as if he had snapped back into reality. And while it surprised me I simple sat with my friends and smiled and laughed, not even knowing what they were talking about. Just feeling the buzz wear off from my high and resenting the way I felt I could crawl out of my skin.

"I can't keep buying this Kouga. I can't afford it. I fucking bled my college fund dry."

"Would you do anything for it Kagome?" he asked, his voice seeming tainted in a way that made me want to run away.

"Perhaps." I said trying to remain unfeeling to him, somewhere I knew what he meant but the bigger part of me wasn't accepting the truth.

He didn't say anything else though, simply gave me the bag and took my money.

"That should last you a while if you use it wisely lovely." I blanched at his seeming new pet name for me. And almost choked on my tongue when his hand came to caress my face. And as his lips drew closer to mine I ran away.

I stopped running when I was a street away from reaching my home. My heart was pounding from running and I could hear and feel the pulse of my blood in my head. I managed to make it home without passing out the feeling of my legs turning me into jelly surely slowing me down though.

I had told myself then that I would just go home and use the bag wisely...make it last maybe two weeks instead of two days. That didn't happen though, and it was after a week that I was out, of both the powder and the money to buy it. And though I tried to go without it for a day my body was in immense pain, and mentally I was probably ready to just about shoot myself. I tried not to go to him. I tried to be strong and just live without the drug. But the pain and need won over, and I found myself knocking on his door before I could even comprehend how I got there.

"Kagome..." he said stepping aside and letting me in.

"Kouga."

"You need more so soon?"

All I could do was nod.

"Did you bring me any money?"

And while shaking my head no, I faced away from him and began to strip myself of my clothing until I stood there in nothing but my bra and bikini cut panties.

But now they only block the sun They rain and snow on everyone So so many things I could've done But clouds

I shuddered visibly as I heard him make his way torward me, felt his hot breath upon my skin. I shivered as his ran his hand across my stomach, across my breats, and I was about ready to crumble when that same hand caressed my face. No. This all was not out of pleasure, but out of sheer disgust and shame for myself. I had stooped low to get what I needed, my train of thought back then though as long as I got what I wanted I didn't care how I got it.

Without even really noticing he picked me up and carried me to his room and laid me upon his soft bed. No he wasn't gentle like a lover would be, and he wasn't all hazey eyed and drunk on the sight of me. He was simply lustful and horny, and my only comforting thought about that whole expirience was that he seemed pretty honest about it.

I thanked whoever was listening that he didn't really take time to explore my body, or try foreplay, he simply and truly just fucked me. It wasn't hard or rough, and it wasn't slow and sweet. Just a fuck. And the only time I felt good was when he grunted and got off of me, simply throwing a baggy to me before he rolled over to sleep. Quickly I got out of his bed and put on my clothes wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

I cried the whole way home. My body still in pain and my mind in overdirve. I felt sick, and tried hard not to throw up but ended up doing so anyways. I was disgusted with myself. No. Disgusted wasn't strong enough of a word. I had gotten my need though, and that was all I tried to focus on for the next few days.

You know its strange...you'd think doing more than enough lines two times a day would sufice my craving but it didn't. And I had actually ended up bringing some with me to school every day, and ended up doing it in the janitors closet during lunch. No one questioned my absence, or really cared too caught up in their gossip and their important status. And it went like that for a few days, everything seemingly normal as I drugged myself into oblivion. One day though...changed everything for me...

"Oh my god!" screamed Yuka

"Wha...What happened?" Eri followed after, and everyone else in the group gasped. I should have cared at what they were croaking about...I didn't though...that was until Ayame came.

Her face was bruised slightly and her eye was blackened, she walked with a pain in her step, a pain to me that was all too well known. She had missed school the two days before and everyone simple shrugged it off as the flu or something.

"Ayame what happened?" questioned Ami.

"I...fell. You all know how clumsy I can be at times." Clearly no one believed her but pushed her no further.

Later that day when Ayame and I were alone in the girl's bathroom, I questioned her again. She was going to lie to me again but I caught her before she could.

"I know you didn't fall. Come on you can tell me. I don't judge remember?" I said with a slight fake laugh. It was practiced so well though that even I couldn't tell anymore.

"He raped me Kagome! He hit me and raped me!" my eyes opened wide and I took her now sobbing body into my arms.

"Who did Ayame? Who?" my voice was soft yet it wasn't, I sounded so lost and surprised. How could anyone every hurt sweet innocent Ayame?

"Kouga...and I thought he loved me...I mean after all he still saw me every day even after he dropped out of school." she sobbed into my chest, and my mind reeled at all the information I recieved. So she had been with Kouga even after he dropped out...she had been with him when he went to all those parties and fucked other girls, she had been with him when he fucked me.

"He was so drunk...I had never seen him like that before and...and he was just so crude and cruel and he forced me down and..." I held her tighter my heart for once going out to a girl in my group who could now actually be on the same level as me. It was comforting in a sick way.

"Shh Ayame...its okay." and I closed my eyes tight holding her still trying to believe that it really would be okay. We stayed that way until the bell signaling lunch had began rang and while she returned to our group I stayed in the bathroom, taking my baggy out of my tiny pocket in my school uniform.

Angel dust gets in your eyes, your hair On acid stars you're getting there

My body's assembled into A little itty-bitty gift to you

When you die, I've looked at life that way

My hands were shaking as I clutch the bag and made my way out of the bathroom and into the janitors closet. I had done so many lines...I didn't even count how many in truth. I just kept pouring out my white ecstasy and seperated it quickly. I stopped everything though when the world became hazy and spun around me, and when I felt something warm trickle down my lip, I barely recognized it as a nose bleed.

Uh oh. Definetly not a good thing. And when I registered that I slowly but tiredly tried to scramble out of the janitors closet. When I finally did make it to the hall, I had to use the door to help me stand, and I vaugely recognized the bell signaling that lunch was over. I tried to make it to my locker which wasn't too far away and only fell down in the process. Decidedly I crawled there instead ignoring the looks of the students now forming a slight circle around me,. Everything felt so funny, and my head felt like it was about to explode, blood was still falling from my nose and and stopped crawl instead prefering to just lay on the cold tile of the school hall.

I heard so many voices around me all of them worried, some even seemed to be screaming, but I didn't know who was speaking at all. My head hurt so much and all I wanted to do was fade away and stop feeling. And as I slowly closed my eyes the last thing I saw was the sad boy with golden brown eyes.

I woke up a day later in a hospital, my head hurt like hell and my whole body ached. I found that I couldn't even move my finger without it feeling like I was about to die from exhaustion. And so when I looked to my side and saw my mother sitting there in a chair beside me, just sitting and staring...I was too tired to be scared.

"Kaogme..." came her soft tired voice. I remembered when it was lively and kind...not this. "The doctors are surprised your alive...they said you wouldn't wake up until tommorow, but I guess your a person who always likes to surprise others whether it be good or not." her voice held anger now, a tired anger, and laced with it was a heavy dissapointment. "Don't expect me to shed tears for you...I did that yesterday...and don't expect me to be understanding. I'm so dissapointed, I'm so tired and angry and...its like what I do for you is never enough! Never never never! Well I have news for you Kagome DEAR you aren't the only one hurting. You aren't the only one who lost somebody special to them." my mothers voice held such a venom then, such a fire that I hadn't heard in a long time...such a sadness. And all I could do was close my eyes as the tears came.

I spent five weeks in that damn hospital, my body recovering from such a heavy over dose, and the withdrawls. I somehow managed to mildly keep up with my school work. I wondered vaugly what everyone at school thought, and surprisingly at the moment I didn't care. I just wanted to go home, but was sorely disapointed when I learned my mother had signed me up for two months in a rehab...I was scared too.

"This will help you Kagome. You'll see. The doctors say you need this, and I for one believe them."

"Momma no! NO! Momma I just want to go home!" I cried sitting on the edge of my hospital bed eyeing the bag my mother brought with her no doubt it was full of my clothes.

"Kagome please. Don't make this any harder." came he tired voice, and I was about to continue when I saw her eyes. They were so pained and dull, and had no vigor what so ever left in them. I closed my mouth then looking away from her haunted eyes and agreed numbly. "I love you honey. Just remember that." and with that she left leaving the suitcase before the door, and I was alone...just waiting to be trasferred to a different part of the hospital.

But now it's just another show You leave 'em laughing when you go

So, so don't let them inside, don't let them know Don't give yourself away

"My name is Kagome and I have been a user for three months." was what my monotone voice had said as I attended the first group meeting. Everyone just nodded their head, some even smilled slightly as I sat down. I felt so out of place here, so wrong and akward. I didn't want to be around these people...I wasn't one of them. But the sick truth was...that I was one of those people...I had the same pale and sickly look, the same lost eyes.

"Welcome Kagome. I'm Rin, your group advisor." she smiled at me kindly, and I felt a little sicker inside. Her eyes held pity, and I didn't fucking want it. Instead of voicing that feeling though I simply nodded my head and the rest of the group continued on, all the while I spaced out and lost myself to my thoughts.

I thanked god I didn't have personal therapy that day, and retired to my room, trying to ignore my roommates accusing stares. I couldn't ignore her voice though.

"You think you don't belong here don't you? You think you're better than everyone else. Well deary you're not. You belong here just like us...you're just as filthy as us, just as lost and chained. Don't think yourself any higher than a slave here." her voice was cold and utterly cruel. And there was not a single trace of sympathy or understand in her seeming red orbs.

I didn't answer her vicious attack though, instead I simply laid on my bed and faced the wall burrying my head into my thin pillow. When I woke up she was gone and the door to our room was left wide open, not that I cared but still... I got up slowly and wandered in the halls for a while before being usheder by a nurse into the quaint cafeteria to eat lunch.

I never felt more out of place then as I had no where to sit other then a table that was located near the front, with no occupants. And as I started to eat my slop of food alone a girl came and sat with me, her eyes devoid of all emotion, and silently she said hi. I said hello back and studied her appearence. Her hair was a white blond and her eyes an a dark black brown, her skin was deathly pale and basically blended in with her white shirt. She said nothing more to me the rest of lunch and I found her to be very creepy but comforting all at once. She was better than my roommate at least.

"So your name is Kagome right?" a slob of a man named Manten said.

"Yes sir."

"And you used cocaine for three months you say?"

"Yes." he jotted something down quickly on his notepad and looked at me through his think out of date glasses.

"What made you start using?"

"A lot of things."

"Like..."

"Normaility. The idea of being normal made me use." it was a simple enough answer.

"I see...and how did stooping to such an extreme make you feel?" this man sucked at being understanding and I really couldn't see how he ever got a job as a therapist here.

"How does being bald make you feel?" I said bitingly.

He widened his gaze at me before jotting more in his little notepad, and the rest of the session went by unsucessfully.

I stayed there maybe two weeks before I called my mother and begged her to take me home. I told her I'd never disapoint her again, I promised her I'd never lie to her again. And it was when I started to cry that she finally gave in and took me home. I was so happy when I saw her, I hugged her. And while that may seem normal to do, I haven't hugged my mother in about 2 years.

"Oh Kagome, my baby girl. I missed you." she sighed to me.

"I missed you too Momma." I said before getting into the car.

I was thankful I went home on a weekend, giving me enough time to collect my thoughts, my fears and my pride. The whole process had taken close to two months and there was maybe only 4 months left of school seeing as it was winter. The whole process had been painful physically, and now even though I was over it I would still feel as if I didn't belong in myself. And though it sounds confusing that was the only way to describe it.

To say I was scared to go back to school was an understatement. I was ready to piss myself when Sunday came and I realised that I'd have to face everyone the next day. I didn't want to be the outcast again...before I had been an outcast for merely two weeks and I couldn't even handle that... How would the next two years of my life be? Would I always recieve dirty looks and whispers? Would anyone see past my mistake and help me? Or would my silent scream fall on deaf ears. I found the answer when Monday came.

"Did you hear? Kagome's back..."

"The one who OD'd?"

"Yeah..."

I tried to ignore the whispers the stares but the harder I tried the louder they got...

"She probably did it all for attention...I mean who would OD in the middle of school then crawl around on the floor like some fucking lunatic?" laughter followed that jab.

"Yeah...she'd fit right in with the other freak...he probably won't even want her." and laughter followed that one too...

I shook my head looking around for my old friends, looking for one friendly face. Finally I found my old group and rushed to them, smiling until I saw their looks. Eri and Ami just walked away. Leaving Yuka and Ayame behind to stare me down.

"Hey guys..." I said quietly.

"Kagome..." said Ayame.

"I'm sorry Kagome...but I just can't talk to you anymore...not after what you did...You know how embaressing it was for us all after that? Being friends with a loser druggie? God...how and why you could even do suck a thing is beyond me really..." Yuka said bitterly before walked off, leaving me to look pleadingly at Ayame. Surely she wouldn't be as cruel...not when I offered her comfort that day... she simply shook her head sadly and walked off...and I was left standing there in the hallway all alone surrounding by stares and whispers.

But now my friends are acting strange They shake their heads man, they say I've changed, well Well, something's lost, rearranged

From living every, every, every, I've

I finished that school day numb, I had already cried in the girl's bathroom twice and that served me no comfort so why bother? I hated everyone when I started to walk home and held a scowl on my face. How could they all be so shallow? How could they just...abandon me? And deep inside I knew the answer...deep inside I knew that this would happen all along.

"Oi wench!" she stopped suddenly at the sound of that voice and turned slowly around to be faced with none other than InuYasha.

"Please...not today..." I whispered before turning around. "Any day but today..." I was surprised though when I felt a warm hand upon my own cold one, the winter wind blowing my hair around me and I whirled around to face the strange blond boy.

"Its okay...you know I'm not like them..." his voice was gruff yet soft, and instantly I found my wall of numbness broken and I fell to my knees sobbing, he fell with me and held me close barely rocking me back and forth like a mother would. It was so strange to be held by InuYasha a boy who had hated me, who had shown no signs of open sympathy before I went to the hospital. How was it that he was the one reaching out to me now instead of me to him? How did he know the exact time to show up?

"I hate them! I hate them! They're bastards each and every one of them!" my voice was hoarse and I was beating his chest with my fist at each word. My face was red and cold and my knees stung from the blow of cold concrete. "I can't go home right now InuYasha...I can't..." and silently he got up and led me torwards the park I had been to that night long ago, and before I knew it we were in front of a rickety old apartment building. He led me up the winding stairs and into a cozy little one bedroom apartment. It wasn't anything really impressive, with an old couch and tiny T'V an Xbox placed before it with wires seemingly every where.

"I don't know why I'm being this way with you...Its really confusing me...and a Little part of me wants to fucking yell and scream..." he said to me quietly as we both sat on the couch. I simply stared ahead to the blank white wall, noting all the tiny holes from thumtacks and other various things.

"Its because with me you know you won't be so alone anymore...because you have compassion for others and don't want to see them treated the way you were." I said barely above a whisper. He tunred rigid when I finished and I knew I was most likely right, and that right now he was probably feeling really insecure. And without really thinking I laid my head in his lap, looking for any comfort that he would give, and was relieved when he ran a timid hand through my hair.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now From up and down, and still somehow It's just illusions I recall

"I still don't like you wench." he said still softly combing through my hair.

"I know...I don't like you either..." and with that we were both quiet.

I really don't know, I really don't know I really don't know, I really don't know I really don't, I really don't clouds at all

Why are we here...terrified, terrified, wow

So what did you all think? Was it complete crap? Am I moving too fast?

And before I continue ranting I would like to thank all who reviewed. Each time I read a new review I feel more and more like writing, and I will complete this story. Its one I've been wanting to write for around a year now. Once again all your comments are great keep them coming!

Sincerly IdiotGirl22

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha and co. , nor do I own 'Clouds' by: Hole.


	5. Best Sunday Dress

It was strange how he suddenly opened up to me that day. Strange how he let part of his defense down so I felt comforted. He really was always a sweet person underneath the rough and hateful persona. I guess that was what made me stick around with him, because I knew even if he was a bastard he was really just a scared and sweet boy inside, he'd never admit to it though.

I didn't stay long at his small apartment...an hour maybe. Just an hour of resting in his lap, listening to the silence and our breathing. I think there was a point when he cried...but I really don't know. It wasn't immpossible for it to happen...I mean I had seen tears in his eyes before...and it did surprise me a little then...I mean InuYasha...the one guy in school known for his hate and malice crying. I think that what had me interested in him the most.

When I had walked home that day, I felt a little weight lift off of me, in a way I felt closer to contentment then I had before knowing I had someone with whom I could share my pain. And when I walked through the back door loving the rush of heat from the house I smiled a tiny true smile and told my mother I had a pretty good day. It always amazes even now how the smallest thing he did made me feel better. Little did I know though that the next day, and the next, and the next would be even harder for me, would be filled with more than whispers and glares.

Put on my best sunday dress. And I walk straight into this mess of mine. Yeah, put on my best sunday dress. And walk straight into this mess

Words. Words were everywhere on my locker... not kind welcoming words either. Unless you count: 'Drug dealers whore.' , or 'Attention wanting whore.' as being supporting. Did people honestly think I was the only person in our school to have done something like this? Were the people I associated myself with truely that shallow? I didn't know...and instead of pondering the question further I kicked my locker. Again. And again. And Again. Pretty soon there was a nice sized dent in it, and I sunk to my knees, resting my head on the cool marker tainted metal.I heard steps behind me but did not bother to look who it was.

"They're fucking idiots aren't they? Look one of them spelled whore wrong..." he said gruffly. And slowly I looked up at him, tears evident in my eyes.

"They can all suck giant blue balls." I said standing up ajusting my messenger bag on my shoulder. "How do you seem to know where I am all the time anyways?" I sighed out, after swallowing my tears.

"The sound of someone kicking a locker is pretty fucking loud wench."

"Well aren't you supposed to be in class anyways?"

"I had to use the little boys room..." he said looking around oddly.

"Little boys room?" I said raising an eyebrow. "You know...I'm not gonna go into that."

"Like you haven't said anything wierder than that before." he grouched out.

"Nope. Never." I said playfully before walking away.

"Annoying wench!" he called to me before I turned a corner.

My whole day I zoned out. Trying to ignore the poking in my back and the constant papers thrown at my head. People were so fucking imature. People sucked. And I tried my best to grin and push myself through it...but lunch was about the time I broke. I was sitting in the cafeteria...alone...and when I got up to empty my tray someone had tripped me. And it was while I was lieing on the ground trying to recover, that the laughing started.

"Hey! I can see up her skirt!" someone yelled, and even more laughter ensued. Instantly I sat up and blushed hanging my head low.

"Fuck probably anybody could see up her skirt if they had a a little baggy of coke! Isn't that right? You're nothing but a drugged up slut aren't you?" a boy said getting into my face. My eyes were wide and full of tears ready to over flow. My lips were trembling and as I looked into the boys eyes I saw the laughter there, I saw the malice and the nothingness. And it was when he started harshly laughing in my face that I snapped back into the real world.

"Nothing but a drugged up slut." he said as he leaned in whispering into my ear. That was when my tears ran down my face as my whole fucking pathetic life flashed before my eyes. All the laughter, all the jeers and harsh eyes stopped though, as the boy was ripped away from me. I looked up wide eyed as I saw InuYasha standing there, holding the surprised boy by the collar, glaring at him. Everyone gasped and instantly there was a silence and then a wave of whispers erupted.

And watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn.

"Shes probably screwing him..."

"The freaks...they really do belong together..."

I heard them all. Each one running through my head, one inparticular caught my full attention though.

"Is he gonna kill her too?"

What did they mean by that? I didn't get to ponder it further though as InuYasha begun to speak.

"You little fucking prick. Think you're so smart and funny huh? You fucking faggot."

"Fuck you." spat the boy trying to get InuYasha to let go of him...it didn't work.

"You'd like to fuck me wouldn't you? I've seen the way you eye up the guys at gym...Wouldn't want that to get out now would you?" InuYasha said quietly...barely loud enough for me to hear.

"N...no." the boy said shaking his head, his eyes going wide. With that InuYasha dropped him and looked to me before walking away. I got off the ground a few minutes later and ran out of the cafeteria doors, only to have someone grab my wrist. I turned sharply to see who it was, relieved when it wasn't someone coming to harass me.

"InuYasha..." I said in a breathy voice placing my hand on my chest.

"You wanna leave?" he asked me seriously looking me in the eyes, and all I could do was nod.

We didn't even bother to go to my locker to retrieve my things as we walked out the side door of the school and instantly I regretted it. It was fucking freezing outside! I tried to hold myself for warmth wrapping my arms around myself tightly as I could, and blanched when I felt a jacket put around me. I looked to InuYasha and smiled a little, with a simple nod in return. We walked the rest of the way to his apartment in silence.

"I still say Spongebob is having an affair with Patrick." came his gruff voice.

"No way, that would be too obvious...Hes got the hots for Squidward why do you think they have so many clubs for him all the time?"

"Feh...hes probably the ring leader of their torture chamber wench. They're probably into that s&m shit." We had been talking about senseless shit for about an hour now, basically trying to forget what happened earlier. The conversations we had so far were pretty interesting and I never knew someone like InuYasha could be fun and entertaining.

"Whatever, as far as I'm concerned this conversation has gone a little too far for its own good." I said with a little laugh.

"Feh...whatever...you're the one who brought your own demented thoughts up. I never talk about this kind of stuff."

"Oh you know you threw some of you sick fantasies in there too." I said throwing a small pillow at him. "Besides...I don't usually watch cartoons."

"Yeah whatever." and then it was quiet, both of us just sitting on the couch, not really knowing what to say... I looked around a little and sighed tiredly. It wasn't that he was boring me...it was that I'd have nothing to do when I got home.

"InuYasha?..."

"Yeah?" he drawled out slowly.

"Tell me more about yourself."

"Like what?"

"Like..." and then I remembered what I heard earlier... 'Is he gonna kill her too?' what did they mean? "Why are you the freak of our school?"

"Because..." he stiffened... "thats why..."

"That...was lame."

"Its none of your business wench! Do you see me asking you why you fucking drugged yourself up? Or why you went all freaky in the park that one night!" his voice was rigid, and I was slightly hurt by his words. I felt stupid and really I wanted to leave but instead I stayed cemented to his couch.

"Sorry." I said quietly...

"I...I didn't mean to snap..." he said trying to explain himself.

"You know...maybe I should go..." I said getting up. He didn't try to stop me as I walked out his door and for that I felt grateful...I shouldn't have asked such a stupid blunt question... I could tell the moment his eyes looked pained.

Pale blue eyes, so young. Pale blue eyes, so far away. Watch me work in sorrow, forgive me all his pain.

When I had gotten home my mother was at work and my brother sleeping in his room. I felt the quiet feeling of the house enter me, and went up to my room. There was nothing else for me to do...so I simply fell asleep. Only to be awoken an hour later by the loud shrilling of the phone.

"Hello?" came my groggy voice.

"Kagome? Is that you?"

"Yeah...who is this?"

"Its...Ayame." I stiffened when I heard this...what did she want?

"Give me a reason I shouldn't hang up on you right now." my voice was venom.

"I'm sorry..." and with that I hung up on her. She could be sorry all she wanted...that didn't mean that she could feel guilt free. Putting the phone down I simply rolled over and fell back asleep, wanting to just fade away.

The next day at school I arrived and looked around me feeling strange looking at all these people and for once not being apart of them. My eyes stopped on my old group and I caught Ayame looking my way, she looked sad for a moment but instantly smiled afterward and laughed with the rest of them, it made me sick. Was that how I looked? Was that what I wanted to be for the rest of my life? Fuck that. I walked silently to where I saw InuYasha and stood next to him, neither of us saying a word, until some prick decided to throw a rock at my head.

"FRRRREEEAAKKK!" the dick head called, and I felt my head for any bumps, beside me I heard InuYasha growl. I suppose he would have gone after him but soon the little groups of people were one big blob as the bell for school rang. I just wished that they would all move on...that they could find something more interesting than me...but alas that was not to be. Instead I found various papers all over my locker not bothering to read them before ripping them down. They could write all they wanted, everything would all say the same thing.

I walked to class slowly ignoring the people bumping me in the hall, just drifting away in my head and growing tired and bored with life. How could everyone just be so fcking happy? How could they always feel okay? I wanted an answer...I needed to know, but nothing came. No god made it better, and no mystery person on a white horse came to whisk me away. And for some reason I felt betrayed.

The day continued on as normal as it could get. It seemed that people were getting bored of me and now just simply refused to talk to me. I didn't go to lunch that day though instead I opted to just wander around the halls, and do nothing but think. I had barely seen InuYasha today, and I wondered if maybe he were avoiding me...It didn't bother me that thought...I guess it was because I was avoiding him too.

And slowly as the days passed, we started talking again, and I was adjusting to being ignored. I felt really strange befriending InuYasha, and I'm sure he felt the same...but I needed someone no matter how much I hated to admit it. And he was really to the only person to see my need. That too...was strange.

"Kagome...could you come straight home after school? Souta needs some help on his project and I've got work." came my mother's voice right before I walked out the door for school. I looked to her, and smiled a little trying to relieve the tension and stress in her tired eyes.

"Sure Momma." and with that I walked out the door.

It had been maybe two weeks since I came back to school...and for me things were getting slowly easier to deal with. InuYasha and I had grown closer but not by much. We found we were into a lot of the same music, and held some same interests. I found out that he lived alone, having moved out of his brother's house earlier that year. I never found why people didn't like him though...rumors were that he used to be a really great athlete. But I'd be patient until he was ready to tell I guess.

The day had passed for me and I was gathering my things from my locker, slowly zoning out and thinking about the time I'd spend with my brother...I hadn't talked to him in a while...

"You coming over girl?"

"I have a name...and no. I'm not going to today. I'm helping my brother with something."

"You have a brother?" he asked me kind of bug eyed. I looked at him strangely and nodded.

"Yeah...hes ten."

"Oh...later then I guess."

"Buh bye."

Walking home nothing happened, I just thought about things and how odd of a turn my life had taken...and in the back of my mind...I thought about InuYasha.

"Okay, whats the topic on?"

"Drugs." my little brother said plainly...in fact...it was more of a dull sound...and instantly my heart bittered torwards my mother. "Momma said you'd know more than she would." At that my heart froze over and broke...even if she didn't mean ill intent, how could she say such a thing?

"O...Okay. What do you have to do?" my voice was a little out of pitch but I brushed it off.

"We have to list all the drugs we know, and then research them. It sounds pretty easy huh?" he said smiling a little at me...and I could do nothing but be fake one more time and smile back.

And I've come here to confess to the wind and the rain and the glorious fame. And I've come here all undressed.

For the numb and the dumb all say the name that you burn.

"Thanks for the warning mother." I said bitingly as my mother walked in through the back door.

"What?" she said looking slightly surprised.

"Souta's little project about 'drugs'. Said I would know more huh? Why don't you just fucking tell him!" I didn't know why I was being so wierd about all of this usually I would just brush it off but now...

"Well you do don't you! I mean you've done them for god only knows how long." her tone was angry now though still deflated of life.

"Oh go fuck yourself." I said before I grabbed my coat and walked out the front door. I walked for maybe 15 minutes before I got to InuYasha's house and I was about freezing my nipples off. Sprinting up the stairs I finally made it to his door, and after one minute of pounding he decided to open up.

"Took you long enough." I said breezing past him, not even bothering to take a look at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"Standing, breathing. You know the works." I commented before plopping on the couch and flipping throught the TV, he sat next to me a few seconds later, and it was when I looked to smile at him that I knew something was wrong.

"Inu...Yasha?"

"What woman?" he said staring blankly at the TV screen. I made a move to get closer to him putting my hand upon his arm...only to have it violently ripped away. "What the fuck are you doing?" he spat at me and I could only stare down wide eyed. There was a blotch of red upon his long sleeve, and some of it soaked through on my fingers, I looked at them in horror and then looked at him.

"InuYasha? What is this?" my voice sounded confused...hurt for some reason, and astounded.

"Its nothing wench. Now get back to your side of the couch."

"But you...you ble-"

"I said its nothing!" he snapped at me, and instantly I scooted away, wishing I could help him somehow, amazed that he could do that to himself.

"Will you at least let me clean it?"

"What the fuck is with you? I tell you its nothing but you keep babbling fucking on. Jesus Christ." he said getting off the couch and walking into the bathroom. He shut the door and didn't come out for a half hour, and when he sat back down the rest of the night went in silence.

When I had gotten home my mother was sleeping, and instead of going to my room I went to my bathroom, and looked in the medicine cabinet for anything sharp. I had a little luck obviously when I found a tiny razor, like the one I used to use for seperating coke. Out of sheer curiousity I ran in across my arm...not in a long sweeping motion just made a tiny little cut to see if I could feel anything InuYasha could. All I felt though was a searing pain as the razor went deeper, and it wasn't long before I pulled the razor away and threw it in the garbage. The cut wasn't deep, or long, and I knew the scar wouldn't be permanent, the feeling would though. I didn't like it at all. No relief came from it, no pleasure, just a burning pain and blood. I didn't understand why he would want that...but then again I didn't understand the things I did at times.

Pouring some peroxide on the tiny wound I watched as it bubbled up and pondered some more. After placing a band aid on it I went to bed and was glad it was winter, for the long sleeved shirts we wore would cover up what I did.

"Kagome..." came his voice as we sat in the hall during lunch.

"Yeah?"

"Your not gonna tell are you?" and at that I looked over to him glaring.

"No...I won't tell. Who would listen to me anyways." my voice was hard at first but grew soft as the realisation hit me...people already knew he cut...at least Yuka did...why was he asking me this?

"No..not people...what I meant was, you aren't going to tell the princepal or anyone like that?"

"Oh... No...I won't. Telling only makes it worse doesn't it?" I said trying to fake a smile.

Watching you burn. Watching you burn. Watching you burn.

There were nights where I'd just sleep on his couch, watching movies with him, and talking about all the stupid people at school. He'd cook me instant ramen, and I'd try to get him to order pizza every once on a while...he never did sadly. After the slight argument with my mother we didn't really talk much, instead just nodding to each other in the morning and I rarely ever saw her after school. It was like I was dissapearing from our family now...from my brother...my home...my momma. In a way it was comforting, but in another it made me immensely sad. This is what the happy Higurashi's were now that their string broke...each bead was slowly slipping away and disspearing.

I hated myself for letting it happen, and I hated my mother for not trying harder. I wanted to blame her for everything in my life but I knew that I had fucked up immensely on my own. The wierd thing though was...I often wondered what InuYasha's family like? Did he have loving parents? Where are they now? Obviously him and his brother did not see eye to eye because on occasion, he would say he was glad to be out of his controlling prick of a brother hand's. Was his family at all like mine?

"Oi Kagome! I'm out of ramen what do you want on your pizza?" came his voice from the cramped kitchen.

"Oh thank god!" I said smiling.

"What was that?"

"Nothing...nothing..."

"Well what do you want on it wench! We don't have all fucking night!"

"Anything basic is fine."

And with that I heard him call the local pizza place and put in our order. Truly it was an excitng expirience. It was after the pizza and the crappy movies though that the night became really interesting.

"So...why do you cut?" I tried to make in nonchalant, tried to make it sound like it was okay. I just didn't want to upset him.

"A lot of reasons." he sighed.

"Like?"

"There was a girl I knew once, you remind me of her in a way." he paused for a moment and looked like he was lost in a memory before he continued. "We were going out for a little while back when I still had everyones approval. She had cheated on me though...and when the guy bragged about how good she was in bed, everyone called her a whore. I tried not to believe it, I was so wrapped up in her, she was really a great person to me at that time..." he paused again and my mind was just trying to take everything in. " Slowly she became really depressed, and even more so after she found out she was pregnant. It was at that time that I had turned her away from my comfort. I was angry...I had a right to be. But..I didn't know she'd do that...I didn't know she'd go that far..." his eyes were filled now with an unknow emotion...almost like a swirl of anger and sadness, and a tenderness she had never seen before.

"What did she do?" I questioned softly, trying not to break the spell he was under.

"She killed herself...she killed herself right in front of me. Blew out her fucking brains with her fathers gun." he said his voice breaking now and tears slowly making their way down his face. Timidly I crawled over to where he was sitting on the couch and held him to me, like he had held me the day I came back from rehab.

"We were sitting in the hallway by her locker afterschool one day trying to talk things over, and figure out what we'd do. She was so quiet and reserved, and it seemed like I was the only one talking. I didn't even notcie when she opened up her locker. But then I heard an odd click and I turned to her, and that was when she pulled the trigger. Blood was everywhere, all over me, all over the locker. And I could do nothing but sit there and scream." his tears ran faster now, though his voice had gone into a calm whisper.

"The police had questioned me for what seemed to be forever. Everyone thought I had killed her, they all said that the jealousy had gotten to me and that I simply placed the gun in her head when I was done. They didn't realise though...they drove her to it...their words did her in...they killed her...not me...not me..." he was sobbing now and I could do nothing but hold him and whisper comforting words.

What would it be like to watch someone kill themselves right in front of you? How could anyone sleep after that? Would they forever dream of the lifeless bloodshot eyes and the mangled body of the one they cared for? It was too horrible for me to imagine and I felt the warmth of salty water rush down my face, I gasped a little when I felt his arms encircle my waist. He had a death grip on my and wouldn't let go...he just kept whispering over and over, and when I leaned in closer to hear I heard her name.

Kikyo. She was the girl they had a picture memorial of on a glassed in case in the hallway. She was the one who was too weak to take the jeers and the stress. And instanly I held InuYasha closer. So that was when everything had gone wrong for him. That was what that one girl meant when she said that in the cafeteria...that was why InuYasha did the things he did...it was like everyone was to blame...

Pale blue eyes, so dumb. Pale blue eyes, so far away. Take him to the river. Forgive us all his pain.

We fell asleep holding each other that night, no it wasn't in a romantic way. We simply we offering each other comfort...giving the other someone to hold onto to stay placed on the ground. Surprisingly it wasn't akward when we woke up, he simply got up and cook breakfast like he did everytime I stayed over, and we chatted quietly about whatever was on our minds.

I really think that was the point when we hung out more, when I could really be more open with him than anyone else before...even more so than when Kouga and I had been on okay terms. InuYasha never talked too much, or interupted me, and sure we got into arguments, mostly due to me pushing into his past too much, but everything was starting to level itself out for me. We smoked weed together, and though I knew he did heavier drugs I promised myself when I got out of that damned hospital I'd stick strictly to alchohol and weed. It was enough anyways.

Still though...now I knew why he looked haunted and pained, and sometimes numb. And I couldn't help but hate everyone else more for it... They all needed to pop their bubbles and step into reality. But to my own confusion...I couldn't help but feel guilty too. He was like that though...he always made me feel a little more abnormal then I usually was...sometimes it was a good thing though.

Pale blue eyes - so young. Pale blue eyes - so far away. Take me to his sorrow, forgive us all his pain.

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Ok so how was that chapter? Let me know when you review please! And to SublimeTrickster thanks for the advice I tried it out here, and I fixed the mistakes I made in the last chapter. I really appriciated your review.

And thank you also to: kAjIkItSuNe15 , demonpriestress, Goth Musician, Kody Leigh , TrinityK , SilverWolfBaby, dont-shoot, backxoffxspikesxmine, Inuyashafanaticlmv, dj , blondieotaku, and Hopeformore.

I love reading what you guys think, and it makes me happy that you all are liking the story.

P.S. to Hopeformore, your review was slpendid, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha and co. , nor do I own 'Best Sunday Dress' by: Hole.

I did cut out a lot of the song because I felt that if I continued on with the chapter it'd turn out crappy. And well...I tried to draw a picture for this and well...lets just say I suck at fan art. lol, I'm okay with drawing something original but something from InuYasha I completely suck at. Oh well. lol


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